15 Things
by EllaQueenB
Summary: 15 Things - because 10's to short and 20's too many. A series of little drabbles about our favourite characters. Check it out! You know you want to..... :-
1. Remus

**DISCLAIMER:** - You know the drill - It's not mine, it never was and it never ever will be no matter how much I wish otherwise.

**A/N:** - This is just a little something that I wrote when I was meant to be writing the next chapter to my other story (What Witches Want – and to all who care, I promise to update soon). It was just a series of thoughts that popped up and wouldn't leave me alone so here they are.

ENJOI!!

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**15 Things - Remus**

**1. **When he was 6 years old his older brother Sampson said that he was too scared to go into the forest at midnight, he did it to prove him wrong. His brother had just returned from his first year at Hogwarts and all summer he'd been relentlessly teasing Remus about not being bold enough to end up in Gryffindor, Remus just wanted to prove that despite his differences he was still brave enough to end up in the same house as his brother and father. So he wondered into the dark, dense tree's on a moonlit night even though his parents had forbid him from going in there, his brother trailing a little behind him.

The woods behind their house always seemed so adventurous and fun, he never really understood why his parents said that it was so dangerous but as he stood in the forest clearing in his favourite Chudley Cannons pj's, his heart beating wildly in his chest as the giant beast stalked towards him, he finally understood. He wanted to run but he couldn't move his feet, he wanted to scream but he couldn't - his throat constricted when the vicious wolf drew closer, close enough so that its putrid breath heated his face. He saw the yellow eyes of the beast glint in the moonlight and when the its strong jaws latched onto his bony arm he thought there could be no greater pain in the world – he was wrong.

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**2. **He never told anyone, but he dreamt about the attack almost every night, even long after he'd grown out of his childhood. Dreams so realistic, nightmares so gruesome, that he would jolt awake in the middle of the night surrounded by sweat-soaked sheets, his heart racing, mouth open in a silent scream of horror. The dreams were so vivid that when he woke he could almost feel the searing burn of pain shooting through his arm, smell the rancid breath of his tormenter and some nights he swore he could still hear the chilling scream resounding in his ears. But the blood-curdling sound didn't come from him, it spilt from the lips of his brother as the formidable beast turned his attention towards him, leaving a bloodied mass that was Remus to watch on in horror as his brother was mauled to death. That scream not only resounds in his dreams, his brothers final sound haunted his every waking hour.

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**3.** After he was bitten, every day before the full-moon, his father would refuse to look at him or even acknowledge him at all. Whenever he would ask what was wrong his father would simply shake his head, a horrified expression would flit over his face before he turned away, muttering under his breath – 'You'll see'. As dusk would fall his father would lead him out to the shed behind the house and tether him there before leaving him alone without saying a word. As the moon rose high in the sky, Remus would feel the excruciating pain of transformation and he would think that he was being punished for something he did to displease his father, he never realised he was being punished for something his father did to displease someone else.

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**4.** His father always chose to believe that he'd lost both his sons that night, he could never truly handle the reality that his youngest son was a dark creature and he fell heavily into the bottle. Remus was 10 when his father hit his lowest point, his liver failed and he couldn't get out of bed to go to work. His mother was forced to get a job in the village so they could pay the bills and because his father had forbidden him from entering the room, he would sit by the bedroom door just listening to his father snore so that he knew he was still alive. A week into his mini-vigil he heard a thump from inside the room and he rushed in immediately to find his father lying on the ground, tangled in the sheets, gasping for breath. Remus knelt beside his father as he took his last strangled gulps of airs and this is how he always remembers him – a small and broken man who left his family long before his final breath.

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**5.** He didn't cry at his father's funeral, even whilst his mother sobbed hysterically beside him, he refused to shed a single tear. Instead, after the funeral was over and everyone had disappeared to the pub to toast him, after his mother had been forcibly dragged away from her husband's coffin, he lay down on the snow-covered ground between the mound of fresh dirt beneath which his father lay, and the flower covered tombstone of his brother. He stayed there late into the night, he had nothing to fear by darkness anymore, he was the creature that was feared. He just laid there silently between his family, staring blankly up at the star-filled sky just willing himself to join them, still stoically refusing to cry. No – he would not mourn them, they were the lucky to leave this world early and he would not shed tears for that.

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**6.** Only a handful of people knew this, partly because most people assumed him incapable of such a heinous act but mostly because he told few people his precious secret, but once when he was transformed as a werewolf – he attacked someone. It happened just after the death of his father and when he awoke from his frenzied stupor and saw the evidence of his malicious act he was completely immersed with guilt. Memories of the violent night flooded back to him as he followed the bloody path to his victim and when he found her he fell to his knees and was violently ill. For he had discovered that it wasn't just anyone that he'd assailed, it was the woman who had given him life, the woman who had carried him under her heart for 9 months and who'd defended him for years – he'd attacked his own mother.

Thankfully he hadn't bitten her, the neighbour had arrived in time to save her, so she wouldn't turn but the attack wasn't a freak accident either and that was the day that Remus discovered he wasn't the only one who longed to be reunited with his father and brother. She was so desperate to leave this world and be reunited with her husband that she didn't care if she destroyed her son in the process. From that day on, whenever Remus would transform at home, his mother would lock the shed from the outside so he couldn't get out and he would seal the shed from the inside so that she couldn't get in.

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**7.** James, Sirius and Peter weren't his first friends at Hogwarts, in fact he didn't speak to them until half-way through his First-Year. Severus Snape was actually the reason he became friends with the unruly boys, he sent a stinging hex at Remus in the corridor outside potions class, James and Sirius offered to help him retaliate and they'd stayed up together all night in their dormitory, planning and scheming until everything was just right. It was the first time that he felt like he had real friends, even though he was sure they were only helping because they held a contemptuous grudge against the pasty Slytherin and not because they actually liked him. The plan went off without a hitch and the next day after DADA, two giant bottles of shampoo and conditioner chased Snape out of the classroom and sent him sprinting round the corridor before the contents were finally dumped on him. All 3 boys fell against the wall, clutching their sides as sporadic bouts of laughter shot from them at the hilarious scene unfolding before their very eyes. James and Sirius both clapped Remus triumphantly on the back, and without even knowing it he had just successfully passed his initiation and forged life-long friendships, those 3 boys were inseparable.

Coincidentally Lily Evans was Remus first real friend at Hogwarts, they'd met in the library and she'd kindly helped him study. She didn't speak to him for a month after his attack on Severus.

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**8.** Before Hogwarts he was never ashamed of being a werewolf. He didn't like the fact that he was a dark creature and if he had the choice he would've changed it but the wolf had been a part of him for so long that he'd sort of gotten used to it and he refused to be ashamed of part of himself. But that all changed when he started school. Professor Dumbledore had told him that he mustn't disclose his affliction with other students because it might cause outrage in Wizarding society and other students might shun him. Right from the beginning he was told to keep a part of himself secret but he couldn't do it. Lily Evans was the first person he told about his 'furry little problem' and her reaction was the reason why he didn't tell anyone else.

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**9.** His mother died just after he started his Sixth-Year at Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore had told him that she'd died of the Wizarding Flu but he knew that ultimately she just didn't want to go on; her will to live had died a long time ago, on a cold winter afternoon as she buried the love of her life. Her funeral wasn't as large or imposing as his fathers, it was just Remus and a few of her friends, but it was beautiful all the same – a bittersweet event on an otherwise glorious day. There was a spare plot between Sampson and his mother and when everyone else had left, he laid down on the spare patch of dirt that was reserved for him. He could feel the sting of unshed tears in his eyes as he looked at the lily-white roses that covered his mother's grave but he still refused to cry, she was finally happy now.

It was almost dark when he saw 3 dark figures walking towards him and he felt a small smile tug at the corners of his lips as his three friends sat down silently beside him, still dressed in their Hogwarts robes – they'd snuck out just to be with him. He still thought that his family were the lucky ones to be able to leave behind this cruel world, but as he sat there being silently comforted by the warm presence of his friends, he thought that maybe he was a little lucky too.

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**10.** The 4 Marauders were always close friends, even after they'd left school, but James and Sirius' friendship outshone all others, they'd always been friends apart from everyone else. That's why he honestly wasn't surprised when James asked Sirius to be his best man, their friendship had been firmly cemented since they met on the train in First-Year, how could he not choose him. But he and Lily had always been close, in fact it was Remus who finally convinced her to give his mate a chance, and that's why it hurt when he wasn't chosen to be Harry's godfather.

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**11.** He never got to say good-bye to James and Lily. On October 31st 1981, Remus was meant to go over to the Potters for a Halloween feast that Lily had prepared, she refused to let a certain dark wizard put a damper on a most beloved holiday. He was going through a self-repressing phase at the time and so he floo-called them to let them know that he couldn't make it. He would never forget the disappointed look in Lily's eyes as she told him in a shaky voice that Sirius and Peter had cancelled as well. She heard a noise in the living room and abruptly cut short the conversation, it was the last time he spoke to her and he never got to say good-bye.

He wasn't even allowed to go their funerals, he was detained by Aurors at the Ministry of Magic for questioning about Sirius Black, they thought he might have been an accomplice. When he was returned to his cell that night, he broke down on the cold, hard floors; he didn't care about dignity or pride as he fell to his knees and mourned. 15 years of pent up emotions rattled to the surface and escaped in strangled cries and he fell to the floor as overpowering sobs wracked his body. He cried for everything he'd lost – for James, for Lily, for Peter and for Sirius. That night silent tears streamed continuously down his face even whilst he slept. He dreamt that the world was crumbling beneath him and whilst everyone else was slipping through, the cracks weren't big enough to swallow him whole. He felt miserable and heartbroken in his dreams and the sense of hopelessness didn't fade when he woke. He'd never before felt so alone and all he could think was that he'd never gotten to say good-bye.

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**12.** Of all of the Marauders, he got on with Peter Pettigrew the least. They were friends of course, never doubt that fact, but Peter was always the first one to bail when situations got rough and he was the last one to pledge his allegiance after his Lycanthropy was revealed. Yes Remus always held doubts about his parasitic friend and he was always suspicious of him because he seemed to be drawn to people who exuded power. But when the unthinkable happened, when the unbreakable quartet was destroyed and he was left a solo act, he believed them when they announced that Sirius was the sole-suspect. It didn't matter that Sirius had been a loyal friend for many years because all the facts pointed towards him, the evidence fell into place and everything made sense in some twisted sort of pragmatic way, after all Sirius was a Black and Black's were known for their deviousness.

More than 12 years later, when he discovered Sirius' innocence, he felt the worse pain imaginable, a festering feeling of guilt eating away in his stomach. He felt worse still when Sirius had shrugged and said it didn't matter, the pain of more than a decade in Askaban still etched vividly in his eyes. His friend had stood by him throughout the lies and deceit of his 'little-problem', had vowed to help him through the some of the toughest moments of his life, and yet he'd been so quick to believe the worst of him because of something so futile as his last name.

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**13.** Remus hated feeling guilty, it was an emotion that he despised above all others, but despite his obvious disdain for it, it was a sensation that he was all too familiar with. Every time something bad happened he always felt like he was the one to blame, he couldn't help it, it was a habit that instilled itself when he was just 6 – it was his fault his Brother died, it was his fault his Father drank, it was his fault his Mother was unhappy. When you grow up with that sort of mindset, with guilt embedded into your soul, it's difficult to break it and so when he found out that his mentor had been killed by his former adversary, he felt the familiar plummeting in his stomach and guilt reared its ugly little head again. Now he wasn't delusional, he knew that honestly it wasn't his fault that Snape had killed Dumbledore but he couldn't help but feel that if he hadn't been so horrible to Severus at school, then maybe things wouldn't have turned out so bad.

Despite his retaliatory prank in his First-Year, Remus never really set out to hurt or embarrass Snape again but that didn't absolve him of responsibility - he stood by countless times and watched in silence as James and Sirius tortured the poor boy. He didn't always agree with what his friends were doing but he never once stood up to them or made them stop, he just went along with it because he didn't want to lose his friends. Who knows, maybe if he had defended Severus then things wouldn't have turned out like they did. If Snape didn't hold such a huge vendetta against the Marauders then maybe he wouldn't have told You-Know-Who about the prophecy concerning James and Lily's son. Maybe he wouldn't have become a Death-Eater period. Maybe Harry would have grown up with both his parents instead of a Lightning-bolt scar on his forehead. Maybe Sirius wouldn't have ended up in Askaban for a crime he didn't commit. Maybe Peter wouldn't have been lured away to become a traitor. Maybe Snape wouldn't have had cause to murder the only man Remus had ever really looked up to.

If back in school, Remus had had the guts to choose what was right over what was easy, then maybe life would have turned out the way they'd always dreamed instead of the nightmare that was his reality. But they were all maybe's and he couldn't undo the past, so instead he was left regretting what was with that ill-fated feeling lodged firmly in the pit of his stomach. Yes – Remus hated feeling guilty but this time that feeling never really went away.

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**14.** Nobody ever knew this, because he wouldn't have had the guts to speak the truth at the time, but during his wife's 15 hour labour he spent the entire time by her side desperately praying for a boy. Now it had nothing to do with chauvinism or sexism and he definitely didn't believe that boys where better than girls, the reason was much simpler than that. You see he'd never been extraordinarily good at saying no to Nymphadora – she wanted a relationship and he gave in eventually, she wanted to get married so he arranged the ceremony, she wanted a family and here they were – so what chance did he have of saying no to a little girl who looked just like her, a little girl that called him Daddy?

So when his child was born and the medi-witch announced that it was a boy he gave a silent sigh of relief, a glittering smile gracing his face at his good-fortune for avoiding that obstacle. But when he held his son for the first time, the little miracles tiny little fist wrapping tightly around his finger, he realised that gender didn't matter at all – he could never deny his son anything. And as the little boy gurgled happily in his arms, his hair effortlessly shifting colours, Remus felt a surge of pride rush through him and tears welled in his eyes – he would do anything for this tiny little bundle, he would die to protect his son – and he did.

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**15.** He always wanted to die with integrity and honour, to go out in a blaze of glory protecting those he loved, with a smile on his face. When he met Dolohov on the battlements, he knew that it was over. The other wizard was younger, stronger and Remus was already battle-weary. He accepted the fact that he wouldn't win, that he wouldn't return home to hug his wife or hold his child so he only hoped that he would get all the things he wanted in death and he did, all but the last. He died with honour defending truth and justice, he died fighting for those he cared about, for those who deserved a better life but at the last second he turned and he caught sight of his Dora entering the fray. He saw the devastated look etched on her delicate young features, the silent tears streaming down her face, he longed to catch the one hand that she reached towards him, the other going to cover her screaming mouth. The last sound he heard was the voice of his lover's, her resounding 'NOOOOOO!' echoing above all the other battle cries and as his body crumpled on the ground, the image of his young wife's grief-stricken face burned into his mind, he just couldn't bring himself to smile.

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OK , before you say it - I know that there was barely anything about Tonks in there but I was planning on writing another chap dedicated solely to the Tonks/Remus relationship. I just wanted to see how this one was received first and if people like it than I'll write the next one. SO –

**HATE IT/LOVE IT – leave a review and let me know... PLEASE!!**

HUGZ N KISSES

EllaQueenB


	2. Remus and Dora

**A/N:** - Heya Guys. Finally finished this chapter, YAY ME, I swear I re-wrote it like 5 times. Anywayz here it is and I apologise in advance if it's not as fluffy as some would like, I had just finished having a fight with my boss (the queen mega-biatch) when I wrote it so I wasn't exactly feeling all fluffy.

ANYWHO – as always thanks to all the wonderful people who read and MEGA THANKS to all the amazing people who rocked my world with a review – much love guys. So – **ZemISHly, Jess.91, pet-munchkin, Flo M Nimo, uNiCa100, ombrerose92, heyyodude and Rina – **here's to ya.

ENJOI 

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**15 Things – Remus and Dora**

**1.** He met Nymphadora Tonks for the first time during the summer before his 7th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She was just 4 years old at the time, a tiny little whirlwind of pink curly hair and energy that knocked him off his feet when he walked into the home of Andromeda and Ted Tonks. Sirius had been asked to babysit his cousins little girl for the night and he conned James, Peter and Remus into coming along under the pretence that it would be easy, she'd be in bed by 8 and they'd get a chance to plan their montage of massive pranks for their final year, he couldn't have been more wrong. Sirius and James gave little Dora some candy to pacify her even though Andromeda had clearly said 'NO SWEETS'. So when Remus finally arrived he was greeted with 3 worn-out boys and a little munchkin so hyper that she'd completely destroyed the once pristine Victorian living room.

She took an instant liking to Remus, mostly because he was the only one who paid her any attention, and when her sugar high was finally over and she'd been sapped of all her energy, she lay next to him on the couch, eye's drooping more with every second that passed but she refused to go to bed. The boys had long since given up on their prank planning and were talking about the future instead when little Dora sat up straight and with a very serious face and a slightly sleepy voice, she turned to Remus and declared that she would marry him someday. He laughed at the cute little girl in her purple feety pyjama's and he patted her affectionately on the head whilst his friends were rolling on the floor with laughter, he never once took her declaration seriously.

-RLNT-

**2.** When he met Nymphadora Tonks for the second time she was 21, a blur of spiky pink hair and attitude that knocked him over when she entered No. 12 Grimmauld Place for the first time. He knew who she was straight away, the pink hair was a dead giveaway, but even without that he recognised the impish glimmer in her eyes that hadn't faded with age and the oh-so familiar crooked smile with the dimple in her left cheek that she couldn't morph away. Though he recognised the small things that had remained the same throughout the years it was quite obvious that she was no longer the little girl that he'd helped look after one night more than 17 years ago. She no longer had the chubby little cherub cheeks that he remembered instead they were high-boned and elongated her once round face into a sort of heart-shape. Her hair no longer cascaded in little ringlets down her back, her eyes were no longer wide with the innocence of youth and her body appeared to have filled out in all the right places.

But whilst she had grown up physically, she still blushed like a schoolgirl at her clumsiness and she still laughed like a four year old, a squeaky infectious little giggle that you couldn't help but smile at. Yes Nymphadora Tonks had grown up and Remus felt like a dirty old man for noticing.

-RLNT-

**3.** The more time he spent with her the more he fell for her, both literally and figuratively, the girl really did have a problem with balance. But whilst it was painfully obvious to the close observers around them that the vibrant young witch had stolen his attention, he didn't realise it himself until it was too late, until it was impossible to ignore, until she'd completely captured his heart. It happened one night a few months after they'd met, it was the night before a full moon to be exact and he was feeling restless so he decided to take a walk and that's when he saw her. She was sitting dejectedly on the steps of No. 12, her hair a dull mousey brown colour, her eyes red and puffy from crying but as she sat there in all her natural beauty, bathed in the glow of the silvery moonlight, Remus couldn't help but think that she looked beautiful. He knew why she was crying, she had just broken up with her latest fella because he kept asking her to change, but he was completely baffled as to why anyone would want her too – she was gorgeous just as herself.

He never did go for his walk, instead he sat down beside her and talked the whole night through, he wasn't so restless anymore. When dawn broke and she left him to go to work he decided that the next time he saw her he would just bite the bullet and ask her out, what was the worst thing that could happen? But when dusk set and the full moon rose high in the night-sky, everything changed, and the next morning when he woke up naked and shivering on the cold wooden floor he knew he couldn't ask her. It wouldn't be right to ask her to get involved with him, he was a dark-creature and she deserved so much better, she was young, she could find someone more worthy. And as he tended to his self-inflicted wounds alone he realised that he already knew what the worst thing that could happen was and he'd be damned if he let it.

-RLNT-

**4.** He learnt the truth behind the old adage 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' the hard way. After the night of the full moon he tried to avoid the pretty young nymph at all costs, figuring that if he saw less of her than his feelings would have to wane further and further until they were under his control yet again, until he no longer had the urge to push her against the wall and kiss her pink pouty lips every time he saw her. His plan backfired however and instead of his feeling dissipating into nothingness, they grew until they were too much to bear, until it was no longer just the sight of her that drove him crazy with want but the mere scent of her heavenly body on the air was enough to send him into frenzy. His unrequited feelings would have drove him round the twist had it not been for her cornering him in the kitchen to reveal her own feelings.

He grudgingly accepted her offer of a date, he just couldn't quite bring himself to say no to her pleading puppy-dog eyes, but mixed feelings of dread and fear consumed him when he thought of the impending disaster that was bound to be their first date. His worst fears were realised when the date turned out more tragic than he ever feared and he was left feeling awkward and embarrassed as they walked in silence back towards Grimmauld Place. But at the end of the night when he was sure Nymphadora wouldn't even speak to him again let alone anything else, she surprised him with a goodnight kiss. It wasn't anything overtly special, their lips only lightly grazing in the most tantalising of touches, and he certainly didn't see fireworks but it meant everything. That tiny little action gave him hope for the future, something he hadn't felt in a long time and as he looked into her perfect eyes, his thumb lightly brushing along her cheek, he realised that that was exactly what he wanted – a future.

-RLNT-

**5.** He blatantly refused to call her Tonks, something that aggravated her to no end. He knew how much she hated her given name but he couldn't bring himself to be so informal as to address her by her last name only. Tonks was so plain, so boring, it didn't suit her personality at all. For she wasn't boring or plain she was the most vibrant, fun-loving person he'd ever met. She made him feel things that he'd never felt before, she made him feel young again, her touch made him feel human, made him feel loved.

It was just the small things she did that made him feel that way – the way she'd always find a way to touch him or just be close to him, the way she'd meet his gaze and smile whilst she was conversing with other people, the way she wasn't afraid to be exactly who she was and made no apologies for it, the way she didn't care what anyone else thought of their relationship as long as they were happy. It was in the unabashed way she kissed him in front of everybody else, the way she refused to go to sleep without a tender goodnight kiss, the way she'd lye next to him after they made love – her leg entwined with his, head on his chest, arm casually draped across his stomach. She wasn't afraid to touch him, she wasn't afraid to love him and that made him feel special. She wasn't plain old Tonks when she was with him – she was Dora.

-RLNT-

**6.** The night after the fight at the Ministry of Magic was hands down one of the worst nights of his life, it was right up there with the night he was bitten and October 31st 1981 when Lily and James died. The night was filled with sadness, pain, fear and an overwhelming sense of guilt. But the emotions he was going through weren't because of the death of his best friend, they were for the woman left behind, for the woman lying in the hospital bed next to him. Her hair was a dull mousey brown colour – she hadn't the strength to hold a morph, her pretty face was marred with bruises and cuts, abrasions marked her entire body, silent tears trickled down her face from her closed eyes as she slept. That night she taught him that you don't have to be awake to cry.

He stayed by her side the entire first night she was in hospital, not sleeping just watching over her, keeping his own tiny vigil over the one he loved. The next morning he left before she woke and didn't return, he couldn't bear to see her cry anymore and he had some things to sort out. You see Sirius was his closest living friend, his best friend, he loved him like a brother and it had hurt more than he ever thought possible to watch him die. But that was nothing compared to what he felt when he saw Bella's curse hit his Dora in the chest, the way his heart stopped beating when he watched on helplessly as her ragged body tumbled down the stone steps before landing with an unceremonious thud at the bottom. Even the feeling of knowing that his best friend had died was nothing in comparison to the overwhelming sensations that filled him when he merely thought that Nymphadora was dead.

That night, as he sat on the cold wooden floor of Shrieking Shack, he cried for those that he'd lost the night before. He cried for Sirius, and for Dora because he knew that he couldn't' be with her anymore, couldn't fool himself into believing he could have a relationship. He hadn't quite realised it until that moment but he loved her with all his heart, he loved her more than he loved his best friend, more than he ever thought was possible and it scared him – he was a werewolf, he had no right to love her that way. He knew that he was a coward, using his lycanthropy as an excuse, but that still didn't stop him from walking away.

-RLNT-

**7.** He deliberately avoided seeing her after he'd ended their relationship, she kept telling him he was being irrational and was acting without thinking but she was wrong – he was thinking clearly now, he hadn't been thinking when he started the relationship in the first place. She eventually tracked him down to his room at Grimmauld Place the night before he left for his mission with the werewolves. He saw the unshed tears glistening in her eyes as she cautiously entered his room without knocking and his heart broke into a million pieces when she broke down and begged him not to go. He told her he had to but he gave into her crying eyes, and his own selfish feelings, and he let her spend the night in his bed one last time. It killed him to walk away from her sleeping form in the morning but he knew he had to, he would do anything to make her happy and this was the only way to ensure her happiness in the future, even if it hurt now.

Every minute he spent on the outskirts of society with the other werewolves, his equals, was utter hell and he hated it, he hated himself for being there, he hated Dumbledore for asking this from him. By day he would pretend to be a scavenger like them, an uncivilised beast angry at the world, and it was horrible but the nights were worse. Not because of anything the pack would do, he removed himself from them at night-time to avoid there hazing rituals, but because his nights were filled with visions of her and it made things that much harder. When things would become unbearable and he felt like he was losing his sense of self he would reach into his hidden pouch and pull out his favourite button-down blue shirt that he'd brought with him. It was neither dirty nor torn, he hadn't worn it there for fear of it losing its comforting smell, it smelled like home, it made him feel safe, loved.

He didn't realise it for a long time but the last time he'd worn that shirt was his last night in civilised society, his last night with her. The lingering floral scent on the fabric belonged to her – she was home.

-RLNT-

**8.** His mission with the werewolves was cancelled after he tried to sabotage Greyback's attempts to attack Teddy Montgomery, an innocent five-year old whose mother had offended You-Know-Who. His attempts failed, the little boy died as a result of his injuries, and Remus' cover was effectively blown so he dutifully returned to Grimmauld Place to debrief with Dumbledore. He was surprised to see her waiting for him in the hallway after his meeting was finished.

He wanted to go to her, to run straight into her waiting arms, to hold her and never let go, but he knew that it wasn't possible. He'd seen too much, his soul was too tainted to ever be repaired and he refused to tear her down with him for the mere feelings of comfort. So instead of rushing to her, he turned and walked away from her once again, ignoring the look of heartbreak that flashed across her face, the tears that fell brutally from her perfect eyes, the hair that appeared to grow impossibly duller as he climbed the stairs to his room without so much as a nod in her direction. Dumbledore had it right all along, it's better to be alone.

-RLNT-

**9.** Albus Dumbledore meant more to Remus than he ever let on. He was so much more than just a Professor or a headmaster - he was his mentor, his guide, his friend and his confidant. Remus loved that old man like a father and he valued his opinion above all others, Dumbledore was there for him when no-one else was. So when he first heard about the death of their fearless leader he was shocked to the core, he honestly couldn't believe that the only man left that he considered family was now gone as well. He was emotionally numb as he tried to deal with it all and so when Dora started to bring personal issues up in front of everybody he completely shut down, he couldn't deal with that now, not when he'd been left alone yet again.

But when he saw her walk dejectedly out of the hospital wing later that night, mousey brown hair falling limply around her neck, head hung low to hide the fact that tears that she was crying once again, he felt like the world's biggest prat. He'd done that to her, all of it, from the dull colour of her hair to the look of misery that remained present in her eyes even when she smiled. He'd taken a bright vibrant young woman and he'd destroyed her in order to save her and he knew now that he was wrong. Love was what set them apart from the Death Eaters, it was what made everything worth fighting for, it wasn't something to be feared or denied. He went after her because he didn't want to end up old and alone like his mentor, he loved and that was enough to overcome all else.

-RLNT-

**10.** They'd only been back together a couple of weeks when Nymphadora suggested marriage one night as part of a joke. He knew that she loved him but it honestly shocked him that she considered such a permanent future with him. So as they lie entwined in each other's arms on the sofa he asked if she wanted to marry him and she turned him down point blank, extricated herself from his arms and told him to think about what he was asking instead of just reacting on impulse.

So he did what she asked, he thought about it and when he'd finally got his head around the enormity of the decision he realised that he really didn't have to think about it at all. This was the woman he loved, the woman he would do anything for, and he couldn't think of anything he wanted more than to spend the rest of his life with her, the woman who was his world. So that night he leaned down on one knee and took her hands in his and with tears in his eyes he asked her the question that would seal their future. While he waited for her answer there was only one thought running his mind, the squeaky four-year old voice of Nymphadora Tonks – 'I'm going to marry you one day'. She was finally getting what she wanted and it wasn't so funny anymore.

-RLNT-

**11.** Despite outward appearances, he never once regretted marrying Nymphadora Tonks. He regretted tying the vibrant young nymph to his condition, he regretted society's small-mindedness and he regretted making her an outcast in the wizarding world but he could never bring himself to fully regret the action that put the biggest smile on her delicate features and made her hair turn the vividest pink he had ever seen. Even during his darkest hours he would never lament that decision, she was his wife and for that he refused to know shame.

-RLNT-

**12.** The decision to make Dora his bride was one of the easiest that he'd ever made, even though it meant tying her publicly to a dark creature, because ultimately it was her decision in the end but bringing a child into the agreement was never something he planned. A baby was to live the life it was born into, it didn't get a choice and Remus never thought that it was fair to force an innocent child to be part of his condition, whether directly or indirectly. So when Dora told him that she was pregnant, he smiled outwardly and laughed along with her as she excitedly told him that they'd be a real family now, that he'd make a great daddy, but inwardly he was wreak.

Later that night he sat by their bed just watching his young wife as she lay sprawled out across the mattress sleeping peacefully. He sat there for a long time, just staring at her flat stomach in which their baby was currently growing, before he eventually got up, kissed her softly on the forehead and walked away from her yet again. The tears streamed continuously down his face as he walked out the door and into the night, a total and complete coward but the truth was that he could never be a daddy. He'd grown up ashamed of his father and he knew that his child was better off without that, without him.

-RLNT-

**13.** Of all the horrible, screwed up things he'd done in his life, leaving his wife and unborn child was the thing that he regretted most, although he didn't realise it until after he'd had words with one of his best mate's son. When Harry yelled at him, called him coward, he felt as though he was being reprimanded by both James and Lily and his critical words had cut to the core because ultimately – the truth hurt. It forced Remus to see that his twisted logic was wrong, that walking away from them, leaving Dora to cope with single-parenthood on top of losing her husband, was not in fact in their best interests. Once again he had chosen the easy choice over the right one and he knew he had to fix it.

He honestly didn't believe that Nymphadora would take him back, and he couldn't say that he would begrudge her if she didn't, he'd hurt her too many times before. When she opened the door in the middle of the night to find him standing on her doorstep, he expected her to yell or shout, to curse at him in several languages before casting some rather inventive hexes. Instead she just walked away but it was enough, she didn't need to yell to make Remus shrivel, the silence and the harrowed look in her eyes cut deeper than any words ever could. He called her name and she turned back towards him with tears in her eyes but she still didn't say a word, instead she flung herself into his arms and held him close before begging him not to go away again. And as he wiped her tears and stroked her hair, he spoke the words to calm her fears - he **promised** that he would never leave her again.

-RLNT-

**14.** Despite the initial hiccups at the start of the pregnancy, Remus soon became the most attentive father-to-be in history, his antics even rivalled James'. He waited on his wife hand and foot and pampered her every chance he got. He painted the new nursery for the baby, he measured her growing belly every week, he marked off the days on a calendar and he catered to every single craving she had, no matter how crazy it was. About half-way through the pregnancy he started to read pregnancy books to Dora to assuage her fears but at night, when she'd fallen asleep, he would lift up her shirt and place his hand on the baby-bump and he would tell his child fairy-tales.

When Teddy was finally born it was the happiest day of his life, not only because he'd finally become a dad, but because of the look of sheer joy on his Dora's face when he laid down beside her and they held him together. They were a complete family now and he knew he had to fight for it.

-RLNT-

**15.** The night when he left for the Battle of Hogwarts he put his son to bed and kissed his wife goodbye. He told Dora to stay at home under the pretence of staying with Teddy but in reality he just couldn't bear the thought of her in the fray, even though she was a trained Auror. But as he duelled with Dolohov on the battlements of the castle he could've sworn he heard her call his name and he turned at the last second and that was when he was hit. Time seemed to move into slow motion as his body twisted under the effects of the curse but all he could think was that he was leaving her yet again even though he'd promised not to.

But as he fell to his knee's he saw the blast of green light hit her too and he saw the fear in her eyes as she fell, he wasn't leaving her after all. He knows now it was a selfish promise.

* * *

Ah so that's it done. I must admit that I could've gone on a lot longer with most of them so I'm thinking of turning each point into a little ficlet – Whaddaya think?

LOVE IT/HATE IT – leave a review and let me know, PLEASE!

(Also do you think that I should do another little chappie on Tonks – let me know.)

HUGZ N KISSES  
EllaQueenB


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